Let's talk boundaries.

 Hello!

Toward the end of last year, I had a nervous breakdown.  It was so bad, I ended up hiding from a lot of things, losing interest in things that were once very important to me, and it got to the point where I actively wished I could find a way to go on a grippy sock vacation just to clear my head.  I didn't, because those types of things should be only in the event of someone needing medical intervention.  I wasn't quite to that point, thankfully, but still, I did what I felt was necessary to work through my stuff.

I'm still not quite where I'd like to be yet.

That is going to take a long time, and a lot of work.

But I'm getting my feet underneath me again, and it's been tough going, but I'm feeling a lot better now than how I did toward the end of last year.  

Recently, I was approached by someone who I've known for several years now.  She mentioned to me that she met someone that needs help improving their English (they're from another country that primarily speaks French), and since she knows I tutor adults in E.S.L. (English as a Second Language), she asked me if I'd be willing to help them with improving their English, and would I be  okay with this person having my number?  I said sure, I'd be happy to help out ... with teaching them English.

The conversation with this person who'd approached me, she'd also mentioned something about this person looking for a job, etc.  I explained (tried, anyway) that I am happy to help teach this person English, but outside of that, it is beyond my scope of expertise.  If this person needs help finding a job, that is not what I do.  I am an educator, not a social worker.  That is a whoooooole other licensure that I do not - nor do I desire to - possess.

I love this person, and I don't believe in the "I love x, but..." but right now?  I feel that it warrants such.  I love her, but when I say "no" in any phrasing, that should mean back off and quit pestering me about it.  Do not try to guilt me into changing my mind.  I'm not stupid, I am not going to budge.

This person has tried to drop not-at-all subtle hints to me that she thinks I should be the one to do something to help this person seek employment.  When I responded with, "I'm not a case manager, and this is not within my scope," I think she finally got the point, because she hasn't written back.  The day is still here, though, so we shall see. ;)  Regardless, though, "NO" is going to be my response.  She's going to have to be an adult and extend me the same damn courtesy she would want, too.  My "people pleasing" days are f'king over.

Something else I don't believe in is the "New Year, New Me" nonsense, but this year, I made a promise to myself:  I don't care how (self) important a person is, if I say "no", I'm sticking by that and I'm not going to allow myself to be bullied nor guilted into changing that "no" into a "yes".

That being said, let's take a look at something that will (hopefully) help you, Dear Reader, in your own life:  

It does not matter what a person has done for you in your life.  That does not, at all, give them any sort of entitlement on you.  Whether it's your time, resources, or anything else, if you aren't comfortable with something, you have that right to say, "No.  I don't want [thing]."

"No" is a whole sentence.  If people don't like it, that is a them problem, not a you one.  If they keep at you, you have another right:  the right to protect your peace and walk away from them.  You are not here to bow to everyone's whim and need, even if they throw at you, "after all I've done for you!"  That should be clear that they didn't do that thing for you out of their own sense of kindness and love for you, but out of a sense of stroking their own ego (I know someone who would call that "virtue signaling", regardless what you'd like to call it, it's still gross, wouldn't you agree?).  You have a right to not have them in your life anymore.  I don't care how special they insist they are to you, you have the right to decide whether or not you want to do whatever thing being asked of you.  Period.  

You deserve to be treated with respect.  

You deserve to have your boundaries respected.

You deserve to be treated with the same regard you would give someone else.  

Period.

Remember:  You have a right to be here, a right to take up space.  No one asked to be here, but no one has a right to make anyone feel as tiny as possible, either.

Stay fabulous.